This week’s big idea:

Failure sucks; but it’s the only way forward

Over the Christmas holidays I rewatched Brene Brown’s The Call to Courage special on Netflix. (If you haven’t seen it yet and you’re a fan of her work it’s definitely worth the watch.) And so when I was thinking about how to write about failure for this week’s newsletter, I thought about something she said during her talk.

When you make the decision to live life fully and show up as your most vulnerable authentic self, YOU ARE GOING TO FAIL. Not maybe; not probably. ABSOLUTELY. YOU ARE GOING TO GET YOUR ASS KICKED. And that’s inescapable.

As a professional risk taker, I’ve experienced a lot of failure. And most of my failures occur in the space of something new—in the space I leave open for experimenting, trying new things, stepping outside my comfort zone.

The first iteration of AFIWI Marketing was back in 2018 right after I quit my cushy BPO job to go travel full time. While the trip was a success, it would be several years before AFIWI Marketing paid any of my bills successfully, so I ended up getting a remote copywriting job while traveling to cover expenses after my savings dried up.

There have been countless moments where I questioned if any of this trying was worth it. Friends would ask, “How’s the business going?” and I’d cringe, hesitating to respond because things were slogging along so slowly that there really was nothing to report. 

Random aside: One benefit of that situation was that the copywriting job opened the door for me to explore a career as a digital marketer — something that probably wouldn’t have happened if I kept the BPO job.

If you’ve never failed at anything you’re not trying enough things

There’s a reason why successful global companies like Apple, Netflix, and Spotify foster a culture that embraces failure. (I don’t mean failure for failing sake. I mean innovation that results in failure often, but occasionally yields something magical.) Because the best CEOs know that a willingness to fail is the only way to create anything truly profitable special.

Apple, Google, and Microsoft have all launched products that flopped. And while many would argue that they are all large organizations that can ‘afford’ to fail, I think it’s worth mentioning because they don’t have to try new things. They could sit on their laurels and enjoy their notoriety with the products they’ve built. But they understand that innovation is important to maintaining relevance.

A lesson from Edison

While you and I are not large corporations, there is still a lesson here for us.

We’ve all heard of Edison’s many epic failures. In fact, he’s rumored to have said, “I have not failed 10,000 times—I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work.”

What a guy!

Edison recognized that failures provide answers and keys on the way forward.

If we are not learning and trying things, we may as well be dead. And in trying, we must be open to failing, because failure is the only path to success.

So how do we prepare for failure so it doesn’t knock the wind out of us and paralyze us into a life of fear and inaction?

Truthfully? I don’t know for sure. But I have some ideas of my own.

Facing failure

Failing sucks. There’s no two ways about it.

To fail is to come face to face with your fallibility.

But the failure that feels incredibly embarrassing, like the thing that may just annihilate you, is never as bad as it seems.

I believe what mortifies us more than the failure itself is the realization that others have witnessed us failing. And herein lies the crux of the matter.

You’re not embarrassed that you failed. You’re embarrassed that other people saw you fail and now associate you with that failure.

And that embarrassment is entirely normal. We’re social animals hardwired to desire acceptance and belonging. And coupled with that embarrassment is the inherent feeling that we’re no longer worthy of belonging or acceptance; that people are laughing at us and judging us for our failure.

But here’s an idea.

The people on the sidelines who’ve never tried anything don’t really matter. The world is filled with dream snatchers, naysayers, hecklers, and keyboard warriors. And sometimes they’re even friends and family members who mean us well but only project their own fears on us with their well-meaning advice.

Hard truth:
There is no magic wand to make failing easier. It’s always going to suck and you’re always going to hate it.

But the key is to find that thing inside you—a desire for your dream/goal/wish—that is greater than your fear of failure.

For me, that thing is the fear of staying the same. I fear never changing more than I fear failing. And for me, that’s the thing that keeps me lurching toward risks.

For you, that thing will be different. But the important thing is to find it and hold on to it.

Our life is basically a series of competing fears and energies. And most times, for many of us the fear of change wins out over our deepest desires.

One of my favorite Anais Nin quotes:

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” ~ Anaïs Nin

My goal here is not to glamorize failure. It is what it is, and in the heat of the moment it sucks.

But you know who never fails at anything?

People who never try.

So while I appreciate your reluctance to take risks and fail, let me be the first to remind you that nothing great was ever accomplished without some failures and false starts. And whatever thing you seek to do is no exception.

Fast Five

📚 Book(s) I’m reading:

Fiction: ‘Just Haven’t Met You Yet’ by Sophie Cousens

Sometimes I just need a feel good contemporary rom-com and this one scratched the itch.

💭 Quote/Idea I’m thinking about:

How many of the things I say I want are truly my own desires vs things I’ve been socialized to desire?

As I’m working through my goal setting/vision board exercise for 2025 (I usually go slow and sit with it all of January) I’ve been thinking about this a lot.

I don’t have an answer yet, but it feels good to think about it and examine everything on my list instead of just taking it for granted that I want everything I think/say I want.

🎶 Song(s) I have on repeat:

‘THIS YEAR (Blessings)’ – Victor Thompson

‘Blessed’ – Wizkid (ft. Damian Marley)

‘Toast’ – Koffee

These are all in heavy rotation on my morning playlist.

🧶 Thing(s) I’m making/trying:

I found a recipe for naan that I’m trying today. It’s still proofing so no photos til next week.

I’m also working on a gallery wall for my living room. So I’ll have lots to share in next week’s issue.

🙌🏾 Thing I’m grateful for from the past week:

The freedom and flexibility to work from home. This past week was one where it was really great to be able to lean into that.

Until next Sunday!

Love and light,
Anna