This week’s big idea:

‘I love you’ is a really big deal. But not for the reasons you think.

I have a gigantic crush on Simon Sinek.

I love this mind, the way he thinks, and his unabashed vulnerability. And this talk between him and Trevor Noah (one of my other favorite humans) is my absolute favorite thing I found on the internet last week.

Simon Sinek & Trevor Noah on Friendship, Loneliness, Vulnerability, and More

And it’s also the source of this week’s big idea.

At the heart of the conversation between Simon and Trevor was this idea of solid friendships being the ultimate currency – a critical part of mental health and happiness. And I couldn’t agree more.

For most of us, we will spend the majority of our waking lives working – at our jobs and doing everyday adult things like chores required for living and maintaining a life and a household.

Which doesn’t leave a whole lot of time for socializing in between.

Cultivating real friendships takes work. All of us know the stress or regret (and sometimes relief) of drifting from people we didn’t do the work to stay connected to. Many of us chalk it up to life and growing up; adulting and having busy jobs and families to tend to. But the truth is, for the connections we want to maintain, we have to do the hard work of nurturing them.

Surface friendships and acquaintances can be formed based on proximity (think coworkers or church or school), mutual interests (sports or a social club), common circles (your kid’s parents or your neighbors), or other means.

But our deepest connections are forged over time or through intense experiences or through moments of deep vulnerability. And in order to maintain them we have to keep showing up.

These deep connections and true friendships allow us to be our truest selves. they allow us to be vulnerable, to share our fears, to ask for help without fear.

If you have one or two of these genuine friends who you can call when you’re in the trenches, who you feel safe enough with to let them see you at your worst, who you feel safe enough with to ask for their help, you are blessed beyond measure.

You don’t need an army of these friends. One is enough. (If you have 2 or more you’ve won the lottery.) And every chance you get, you should let them know how much they mean to you. Let them know that you love them.

Which brings me back to the title of this issue (it all comes full circle 😉 )…

‘I love you’ is a powerful phrase. I don’t know what the science behind it is, but it feels very different in our bodies than ‘Love ya’ or ‘Love you’ sent in a text or muttered in parting.

‘I love you’ is intentional. It is emboldened with meaning.

It’s like the difference between a ‘wyd?’ or a ‘What’s up?’ text and  a ‘You’re on my mind. How are you?’ text.

Now I don’t want to turn this into a grammar lesson, but since you’re already here and reading…

Remember how we were taught that a sentence needs a subject and a predicate?

‘Love ya’ and ‘Love you’ beg the question, “Who is doing the loving (i.e. who/what is the subject)? And why are we so pressed for time afraid to use the 3 syllables/words in all their glory the way the English language intended?

The ‘I’ matters.

Think back to the last time someone told you ‘I love you’ and compare it to all the times someone has said ‘love ya’ or ‘love you’.

It’s like a very lazy noncommittal attempt at connection that doesn’t mean as much as its more intentional counterpart.

Now I’m not here to rag on ‘Love you’ because it does have its place. Heck, I use it on occasion. But when I want to be intentional and connect with the people I love, I always aim to go with ‘I love you.’

And I encourage you to try it and see how differently it feels in your body – both as the speaker and the recipient of the gift (because make no mistake – it is a gift).

While you’re at it, when you’re done reading this issue, reach out to your nearest and dearest (your lifeline when you’re in the trenches) and let them know that you love them. It costs you nothing and I bet it will make their day (if not their whole week). 

Fast Five

📚 Book(s) I’m reading:

Non-Fiction: ‘The Circle: How the Power of a Single Wish Can Change Your Life’ by Laura Day

This one’s a re-read. I think I’ve listened to it at least 5 times now. It’s one of those books that gets better and reveals something new with each listen.

💭 Quote/Idea I’m thinking about:

“What is meant for you, will find you even if it is beneath two mountains. And what is not meant for you will not reach you even if it’s between your two lips.”

Most online sources attribute this as an Arabic quote. Whenever things are in turmoil and feel out of control, I meditate on this quote as a source of comfort. The helplessness I feel shrinks in the face of this reassurance.

🎶 Song(s) I have on repeat:

‘Know That You Are Loved’ – Cleo Sol

I know, I know. It was my song on repeat in last week’s newsletter. But I can’t explain the way it has gotten under my skin and settled there. Cleo is bae.

Not quite ‘on repeat’ like Cleo Sol, but I’ve had a listen to the early release tracks from Linking Park’s new album ‘From Zero’ – their first album without lead singer Chester Bennington who died back in 2017. And I’m loving it!

Didn’t think they would feel like the same band with a new lead singer, but Emily Armstrong holds her own. It feels so nostalgic… brings me back to those early university days when I had Linking Park on repeat all the time.

🧶 Thing(s) I’m making/trying:

I didn’t do a lot of crocheting this week so the yellow cardigan is still a work in progress. (I made it halfway through the first sleeve.)

I paused it to work on a fuchsia scarf that I’m making as a Christmas gift. (Yes, the only thing I’m gifting this year are handmade items! Doing my small part to reduce consumerism while saving some money and working my creative muscle in the process.)